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We two… seekers…
May be we know what we want…
May be we both are confused…
My eyes question you if loving you hurts…
I try looking for an answer but then I hear…
Your soul saying… it too did not want to get hurt…
And we both, confused, sit inside our shells…
Wondering if one of us gets that power….
We resist ourselves from loving more…
From giving more… from taking more…
And then hurt the other person…
But believe me, love,
It doesn’t make things better for me…
For the love I want to give… is still inside me…
Like those piercing thorns…
And the space which I made, is taking you away from me…
And now I am lonely…
Imprisoned… this all seems to me like a nightmare…
I am crying for help, running voiceless….
You are walking away from me…
I can see your back blurring…
It pains inside somewhere…
must be in heart or somewhere like that…
It has no origin and no end…
It comes like waves in a sea…
The moment I think it’s getting lighter…
Another wave comes, makes me heavy…
That this corpse can feel the weight of soul…
It breathes as if it’s a sin…
an unwanted gasp…
This is all because I stopped myself
from loving you with all that I have…
I tried to hurt you…
Now you know… it pains inside me….
And now I want to surrender myself to my love…
With all the pain I have… with all the love I have…
And that my love, would not hurt more…
Come and hurt me… make me cry… make me crazy…
Leave that shield behind…
But come to love me…
I am here for you… and will always be…
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It’s raining, … once again I want to run through the greens
Cuddling yellow wild flowers… soaring bare feet,
Run to the hills where windmills are running…,
Follow one of its blades when it’s unaware of me…,
I want to spin my gaze with every whirl it finishes…,
And with each circle… I have a song to sing…
I would live my countless moments again…
As my gaze dances with the wind…
If it’s raining… and if you want to see me…
Ask those wild yellow flowers where I would be…
They will show you one green route… crawling over earth…
You will find me there talking with the windmill…
(I have this strange fascination with windmills and lighthouses since my childhood days… When I see those blades moving with the air, I feel like getting out of the car and start running towards the windmill.. ekdam fillum style… I wish some or the other day, this wish of mine would come true…)
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More colors than you could ever see….
More colorless than the darkness u have been…
More alive than you could have ever lived….
More lifeless than you could ever feel…
not an irony… it’s just me…
Deeper than you can ever reach…
Higher than you could ever fly
More precise than you could ever believe…
More incorrect than you could ever try…
Not my mind… it’s my heart…
More confused than you could ever be…
More determined than the line on a rock…
More silent than the noise of sea waves…
Louder than an unwanted knock…
Not a voyage… these are just my thoughts…
Faster than you can ever blink your eyes…
Slower than an eternal wait…
Brighter than the summer sun…
Darker than those hours late…
Not a game… it’s just my life…
A Paradox…? Lost routes..? Why is this contrast?
Wondering …still swinging to and fro…?
Where are those elements holding me together…?
Or am I supposed to be in pieces… scattered and flying… is it so???
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As I stand next to a scary window in the dark…
and talk to you…
longing for someone who can share my loneliness…
I no more feel alone…
and you send a warm, long hug…
it travels all the long way… from you….
now it’s standing outside the same scary window… in the dark…
looks like an angel…, self illuminated… warm
and I grab it with both my arms… wear it on…
and I smile…
🙂
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gypsy in the rain 