gypsy in the rain


When I say…, I am blank…
November 2, 2009, 3:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

At this moment, my mind is so blank… that I don’t even have words to write for this post. Strange; the fact for me which is, I am most content in those moments of my life when I don’t think anything. I don’t know how to define happiness because happiness is dependent on one’s expectations. But I feel, being content is easier as it only comes to you when you have no expectations from the moment you are living in. So I can state here that being happy and being content are two different phases of life. One who is happy not necessarily has to be content but one who is content, is happy in its own way.

For me, happiness comes and goes. It doesn’t stay longer because I have the hunger for more and better. For a person like me, it’s very difficult to stop my mind from wandering. I can be found consciously or subconsciously roaming on the clouds of thoughts. Sometimes I feel left out in a space where I am suspended in vacuum, trying to firm my feet on the ground, unable to make my own hands meet each other, unable to breathe, unable to move out of those tangled, opaque clouds. And in that impenetrable sky of illusions, lie the routes of my thoughts. They cross each other, they run parallel… sometimes they deviate and leave me confused.

Contentedness… a phase… where, instead of my mind being in vacuum, I believe there is a vacuum inside my mind, which closes all doors for the smoke of thoughts. And I really think, I am calm…
I am calm… like a new born baby in sleep, like a deep sleep under warm sheets on cold nights, like a silent walk in greens, like a lonely ship on slow waves…traveling towards sea shore… I am calm like a full moon smiling at a kid, like a yellow balloon escaped from hand, like a cup of tea in rainfall… like a moment spent watching sunset on resting chair…
I cant say I am happy… but I have found the base of my spirit where it was sleeping before it opened its eyes for Thoughts and Feelings…