gypsy in the rain


let’s write a story together…
July 28, 2010, 6:17 pm
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Let’s write a story together…

You and I

You draw pictures…

And I’ll write poems

I know,

You are bad with words

And I can’t sketch…

so many days passed…

I am tired of writing…

And numb with words

You unable to comprehend them…

I still want you to write for me…

Your lines are losing shape…

And now you want me to draw your thoughts….

I touch your hand

And learn to draw…

You touch my heart…

And learn to rhyme…

And we learn a new language…

TOUCH…

though the story looks beautiful and deep…

not many would understand it…

let’s not fool others…

it’s a story to be read…

only by you and me….

Let’s not stop here…

Because this story doesn’t have an end…

We should keep writing…



Waiting for you…
July 23, 2010, 10:11 pm
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my soul can cross thousand rivers… just to hold your hand in mine…
it can carry this body over long spread desserts… to feel the joy of your smile…
neither you nor your sign was there when I came looking for you…
and I then, wrote your name on every place, every mile…

so that… when you’ll visit that place next time…
you’ll find yourself everywhere… alone in the crowd…



Brothers’ arm-y….
July 22, 2010, 7:29 pm
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There was a time… when we could not stand each other’s faces. There was a time when we used to fight for the best food, best clothes, more pocket money. There was a time when we hated to share our things with each other…. I think, there never was a time when we fought. It was always me… (:P). I always wanted best things… and when I used to get my large share of ice cream, chocolate or pocket money; my satisfied ego would allow me to GIVE some of it to my little brother.

What are brothers for??? Now, please don’t say that they are there to protect you because all my brothers with whom I am very close… are younger to me…. Yet, yes, they do protect me in every possible way (eyes getting moist here…).

Before I start getting too senti, let me rearrange my feelings…

I never had a sister but a brother, with whom I could share my feelings. In a way, it was better because I got to see a different perspective of life…. Gender wise…

Me and my brother.

I was, I still am the most loved sister amongst all my 12 brothers. Till I was 4, my cousin brother used to treat me like his own baby. Yes, the huge age difference. First time, at the age of 5, when I came to know that I got a baby brother, I was excited to see him, to meet him… to touch him.. to know what a brother looks like. My father took me to the maternity home…. Only thing I remember about that room is me standing next to a crib, my father next to me… instructing how to touch and not to touch him… We were happy and a cute face smiling at us with his blinking eyes. I still cherish that moment with many others.

I don’t know if the discrimination between a boy and girl still exists. But when I was young, at my innocent age, I always sensed and felt strange to be born as a girl. But luckily on personal level, my family never treated me and my brother differently. In fact, the saying is true… moms love their sons more and fathers love their daughters. With the sting of being born as a female, I always wanted to be superior to my little brother. And I bullied him on occasions, made him plead me, made him say sorry to me… I did everything a mean sister would do (Adi still calls me Dee Dee from Dexter’s lab, how much I hated that cartoon… my brother had literally assumed that he was a brainy scientist). My sweet brother always was too scared to call me by my name… I haven’t heard my name from his mouth since 20 years. Last time he had called me by my name was to tease me… and he knew… that’s the way he could disrespect me… and he got that right… he got a beating for that… Not everyone is as blessed as me… are they??? Because Adi would come back to me saying sorry, asking me to slap him so that we could talk again after our fights. And I would feel (emotionally blackmailed) bad and I would just smile. They know you in and out. Brothers,… they know what pleases you, what makes you angry, what makes you scared (horror nights on Thursday, dark and cockroaches), what makes you sorry.

Today, when we can’t meet each other for months… when we don’t share a room, I realize his strength, patience and tolerance. He was the one who lied when needed, just to save me from scoldings. He was the one who cried when I did not talk to him. He was the one who brought snacks for me while coming from school / college. He was the one who helped me in the kitchen. He was the one sharing his secret crush from his first standard class. He was the one who asked me for dating tips… and he is the one who gives me tips on life.

My brothers… sense every shit out of me… from my face, from my smile, my voice, my texts…

I know, I am little over in the drama department. But they love me as I am.

And this is for my brothers and all other brothers, who share everything with their sister from food to secrets, from failures to aims, from tears to smiles… from fights to hugs…

Brothers, you have grown wiser than me… and now I am your little sister…

And when you need me, you know, I am old enough to hold your hand…

LOVE



bridge of love…
July 22, 2010, 11:07 am
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I wont blame you for whatever you did…which made me fall in love with you..
for you were too away to hold me and make me rise..
I would blame those words which we could have said.. but we did not…
and the bridge between you and me is still incomplete without WORDS..

so, LOVE, before you try to cross the distance..
put together all words before me… which CONNECT to make a way…



henna colors…
July 21, 2010, 9:06 pm
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I paint my body with henna colors…

Temporary as they are… I know…

I paint beautiful things on it

Things, I can relate myself with…

I paint with mistakes…

But they will be gone… very soon

As henna will fade away…

Like a PAST…

I don’t care where and what I draw…

It’s a celebration of this body…

Body, which will fade away…

Like it never existed…

I celebrate my existence with colors….

As I have heard, u cannot color what you can’t see….

You can just feel it…

I paint my body…. I paint my feelings…



mujhe pehchaana????
July 20, 2010, 11:25 pm
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kal main gaya tha…
wahi jaha hum kabhi khela karate the baarish me…
aajkal waha dhoop khela karati hai…

hamaari yaadon ke sukhe patte dab gaye hai kahi neeche…
mitti namm hai abhi bhi thodi si…
jaise ke mere pairon ko wo pehchaanti ho…

ghoomte ghoomte kisi kone me
humne dekhe kuch puraane se jootein…
kabhi humne chhode the apne peeche aur chale the nange pair…

aaj unki zaroorat to nahi hai mujhe…
pair kaafi lambe ho gaye hai…aur jootein chote…
par un nange pairo ka safar in jooto ke paas aakar ruk gaya ek pal ke liye…
jaise ke inhe pooch raha ho…
itane dino baad mil rahe hai…mujhe pehchaana????



between someone and me…
July 19, 2010, 10:59 am
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I may have mentioned this many times… I talk to someone…. all the time… someone you dont know…, someone who doesnt have a name, someone who doesn’t have a shape…, someone who may not be a GOD because I fight with it, someone… who may not be a human because its love for me is so unhuman…
Places…. it knows no place to appear in front of me, no time to speak, no fear to walk with me… from bathroom shower to rikshaw… it talks to me in the awareness of late summer nights and in the dreams of rainy afternoons… It knows nothing but ME… me and every detail of my world…
I fought with it today… again… I asked it to come alive and hold my hand… but it refuses to do so. I said, “I want to hug you, I need to touch you… Look at me, dont I look horrible and lost??? You know, I trust you completely, I know… you can never hurt me… How long do you want me to wait for you??? Till I die??? Is that all you want??? Come alive, and hold me…”.
It said, “Dont ask me to wear a body… because I am purest as the way I am now. I might change if I enter into a body. I’ll get diseased… envy, anger, fear…” And I cried in the shower, “But I want you… I feel lonely”
It laughed… “I am still here… I have stayed in the eternal darkness so that I can stay only with you. Does it make you feel lonelier than I do? You forget me sometimes… when you have no time for me… but I always come back to you… because you have so much to share with me. Dont tie me into human limits… I am within you and with you. You dont even need to call me or embrace me… ‘I am you’… Remember hearing it from a human’s lips??? It was me. Lips saying, “I’ll always love you” were mine. Eyes looking at you affectionately were mine. Your mother, father, brother, friends, lovers… it was always me. You always talked to them when you talked to me… “

And I put the shower off… wipe my eyes… wrap the towel around…
And walk out calm…
It still follows me….