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I may have mentioned this many times… I talk to someone…. all the time… someone you dont know…, someone who doesnt have a name, someone who doesn’t have a shape…, someone who may not be a GOD because I fight with it, someone… who may not be a human because its love for me is so unhuman…
Places…. it knows no place to appear in front of me, no time to speak, no fear to walk with me… from bathroom shower to rikshaw… it talks to me in the awareness of late summer nights and in the dreams of rainy afternoons… It knows nothing but ME… me and every detail of my world…
I fought with it today… again… I asked it to come alive and hold my hand… but it refuses to do so. I said, “I want to hug you, I need to touch you… Look at me, dont I look horrible and lost??? You know, I trust you completely, I know… you can never hurt me… How long do you want me to wait for you??? Till I die??? Is that all you want??? Come alive, and hold me…”.
It said, “Dont ask me to wear a body… because I am purest as the way I am now. I might change if I enter into a body. I’ll get diseased… envy, anger, fear…” And I cried in the shower, “But I want you… I feel lonely”
It laughed… “I am still here… I have stayed in the eternal darkness so that I can stay only with you. Does it make you feel lonelier than I do? You forget me sometimes… when you have no time for me… but I always come back to you… because you have so much to share with me. Dont tie me into human limits… I am within you and with you. You dont even need to call me or embrace me… ‘I am you’… Remember hearing it from a human’s lips??? It was me. Lips saying, “I’ll always love you” were mine. Eyes looking at you affectionately were mine. Your mother, father, brother, friends, lovers… it was always me. You always talked to them when you talked to me… “
And I put the shower off… wipe my eyes… wrap the towel around…
And walk out calm…
It still follows me….
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gypsy in the rain 