gypsy in the rain


bridge of love…
July 22, 2010, 11:07 am
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I wont blame you for whatever you did…which made me fall in love with you..
for you were too away to hold me and make me rise..
I would blame those words which we could have said.. but we did not…
and the bridge between you and me is still incomplete without WORDS..

so, LOVE, before you try to cross the distance..
put together all words before me… which CONNECT to make a way…

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henna colors…
July 21, 2010, 9:06 pm
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I paint my body with henna colors…

Temporary as they are… I know…

I paint beautiful things on it

Things, I can relate myself with…

I paint with mistakes…

But they will be gone… very soon

As henna will fade away…

Like a PAST…

I don’t care where and what I draw…

It’s a celebration of this body…

Body, which will fade away…

Like it never existed…

I celebrate my existence with colors….

As I have heard, u cannot color what you can’t see….

You can just feel it…

I paint my body…. I paint my feelings…



mujhe pehchaana????
July 20, 2010, 11:25 pm
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kal main gaya tha…
wahi jaha hum kabhi khela karate the baarish me…
aajkal waha dhoop khela karati hai…

hamaari yaadon ke sukhe patte dab gaye hai kahi neeche…
mitti namm hai abhi bhi thodi si…
jaise ke mere pairon ko wo pehchaanti ho…

ghoomte ghoomte kisi kone me
humne dekhe kuch puraane se jootein…
kabhi humne chhode the apne peeche aur chale the nange pair…

aaj unki zaroorat to nahi hai mujhe…
pair kaafi lambe ho gaye hai…aur jootein chote…
par un nange pairo ka safar in jooto ke paas aakar ruk gaya ek pal ke liye…
jaise ke inhe pooch raha ho…
itane dino baad mil rahe hai…mujhe pehchaana????



between someone and me…
July 19, 2010, 10:59 am
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I may have mentioned this many times… I talk to someone…. all the time… someone you dont know…, someone who doesnt have a name, someone who doesn’t have a shape…, someone who may not be a GOD because I fight with it, someone… who may not be a human because its love for me is so unhuman…
Places…. it knows no place to appear in front of me, no time to speak, no fear to walk with me… from bathroom shower to rikshaw… it talks to me in the awareness of late summer nights and in the dreams of rainy afternoons… It knows nothing but ME… me and every detail of my world…
I fought with it today… again… I asked it to come alive and hold my hand… but it refuses to do so. I said, “I want to hug you, I need to touch you… Look at me, dont I look horrible and lost??? You know, I trust you completely, I know… you can never hurt me… How long do you want me to wait for you??? Till I die??? Is that all you want??? Come alive, and hold me…”.
It said, “Dont ask me to wear a body… because I am purest as the way I am now. I might change if I enter into a body. I’ll get diseased… envy, anger, fear…” And I cried in the shower, “But I want you… I feel lonely”
It laughed… “I am still here… I have stayed in the eternal darkness so that I can stay only with you. Does it make you feel lonelier than I do? You forget me sometimes… when you have no time for me… but I always come back to you… because you have so much to share with me. Dont tie me into human limits… I am within you and with you. You dont even need to call me or embrace me… ‘I am you’… Remember hearing it from a human’s lips??? It was me. Lips saying, “I’ll always love you” were mine. Eyes looking at you affectionately were mine. Your mother, father, brother, friends, lovers… it was always me. You always talked to them when you talked to me… “

And I put the shower off… wipe my eyes… wrap the towel around…
And walk out calm…
It still follows me….



never too old…
July 10, 2010, 10:06 am
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I stare there…

my heart bouncing every moment…
my feet direct me to that place…
I move forward and then stop… hesitantly…
I can’t go there…
because I know, I am too old to do that…
those swings are already occupied…
with smiling, bright faces…
they fight with each other waiting for their turns…
they cry, they laugh…
to sit on that one swing…
I know, I am too old to do that…
I wait till evening…
till everyone leaves… leaving those swings empty…
moving back and forth…. and quiet air around…
I look around if someone is watching me…
and walk faster towards that place…
and I know, I am too old to do that…
I sit on that wooden block…
it’s little low for me…. I remembered those days
when it was just perfect…
I hold the chains on both the sides…
with my feet I go back and wait….
I think, I am too old to do this…
I close my eyes… and
free my feet from ground…
my shy heart fills with the same old joy…
I hear an old tune… with my head bent backward…
song I used to sing…
so what if I know…
I am too old to do that…
I am too old to do that…….


come to love me….
June 23, 2010, 11:25 pm
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We two… seekers…

May be we know what we want…

May be we both are confused…

My eyes question you if loving you hurts…

I try looking for an answer but then I hear…

Your soul saying… it too did not want to get hurt…

And we both, confused, sit inside our shells…

Wondering if one of us gets that power….

We resist ourselves from loving more…

From giving more… from taking more…

And then hurt the other person…

But believe me, love,

It doesn’t make things better for me…

For the love I want to give… is still inside me…

Like those piercing thorns…

And the space which I made, is taking you away from me…

And now I am lonely…

Imprisoned… this all seems to me like a nightmare…

I am crying for help, running voiceless….

You are walking away from me…

I can see your back blurring…

It pains inside somewhere…

must be in heart or somewhere like that…

It has no origin and no end…

It comes like waves in a sea…

The moment I think it’s getting lighter…

Another wave comes, makes me heavy…

That this corpse can feel the weight of soul…

It breathes as if it’s a sin…

an unwanted gasp…

This is all because I stopped myself

from loving you with all that I have…

I tried to hurt you…

Now you know… it pains inside me….

And now I want to surrender myself to my love…

With all the pain I have… with all the love I have…

And that my love, would not hurt more…

Come and hurt me… make me cry… make me crazy…

Leave that shield behind…

But come to love me…

I am here for you… and will always be…



Talking with the windmill….
June 16, 2010, 11:28 pm
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It’s raining, … once again I want to run through the greens

Cuddling yellow wild flowers… soaring bare feet,

Run to the hills where windmills are running…,

Follow one of its blades when it’s unaware of me…,

I want to spin my gaze with every whirl it finishes…,

And with each circle… I have a song to sing…

I would live my countless moments again…

As my gaze dances with the wind…

If it’s raining… and if you want to see me…

Ask those wild yellow flowers where I would be…

They will show you one green route… crawling over earth…

You will find me there talking with the windmill…

(I have this strange fascination with windmills and lighthouses since my childhood days… When I see those blades moving with the air, I feel like getting out of the car and start running towards the windmill.. ekdam fillum style… I wish some or the other day, this wish of mine would come true…)